stress reactions

Lady
The lady makes her sign.

The other night I dreamed that I was working with some terribly corrosive acid for work, and burned off a portion of my pinky, ring, and middle fingers on my left hand. I was so upset by the accident. Tried to chew out my boss because she shouldn’t have let us work with such dangerous materials. She laughed at me. I threw a ferocious tantrum. In waking life, I realize that my dream hand was left with similar function to my dad’s after his accident last month.

When I calmed down in the dream, I was surrounded by friends (none recognizable in waking life). I said, sadly, “have you ever been awful and childish and terrible to everyone in your life and everyone you love?”

One of the friends, tall and shy, laughed gently, said, “of course.

“But I have like six bongs inside of me, and every time I get stressed, I just take a hit.”

uncle pete

The Salopian
The Salopian.
Dear Readers,

I am at the Camp Kiwanee ballroom, talking with Clara’s Uncle Pete at her wedding. He tells me that’s he’s 65, too old for a lot of things but maybe not too old to convert 60,000 lines of ActionScript into HTML 5 so that his Algebra tutorial program can run on iPads. He asks my advice. I ask how many Algebra 1 students have iPads. He seems disappointed. We move on.

He tells me about his love of life in the Bay Area and his mathematical acumen. I engage him on one of my current burning hot thought puzzles: whether life is a collection of random happenings without connection or meaning, or whether a thread of destiny runs through life, like an electric current.

Uncle Pete smiles. This is reassuring, because I lost a lot of traction with Pete when he asked how much I must have loved living in San Francisco, and I gave a tight-teethed inhale and issued the litany of my ambivalence: the invisible poverty, the cultural bubble, young people with no greater ambition than to flip a flimsy start-up to ZyngAdobeMicroSoGoogle in two years, no greater scope of work than to get users to click more ads.

That doesn’t go over so well with Uncle Pete, but this new “chaos versus destiny” tack has him. He smiles and says, “life is absolutely a random string of events, and I’ll prove it. I would never have moved to the Bay Area except that during a long period when my wife and I were unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, I took a job in San Francisco. Later that week, she got pregnant. But I would never have taken the job if she had found out even days earlier.

“So you see, it’s all random.” Uncle Pete licks his lip.

“That actually sounds like fate to me,” I say.

“Whatever,” says Uncle Pete.

“I have to dance the hora now!” I say, and join the joyful dancers in the center.

What surprises me about Uncle Pete’s insistence on the random was that his proof was framed in exactly the language of “if not for this, t’would never’ve been thus.” A clear narrative structure of cause and effect, and the effect being that he was matched with his personal Xanadu. “Sir, you tell me that music can’t exist, but you tell me in song.”

Today I feel destiny not as if it were on the clipboard agenda held by the cosmic creative director on the field day of your life (Destiny wears a visor and Bermuda shorts and crocs) but like a planet in orbital period. Fate like perihelion and aphelion. Like concentric circles of family and friends holding hands and singing, moving into the center and back, both chaotically and in perfect consonance.

hazards

Hazards
Yes.
Dear Readers,

This sign was by the cash register at the UPS Store on Clark Street. I look at the left side—the grumpy take-no-shit dog, the tarantula, those jewels just there, the snake, the mouse riding the dog—and hear a shred-metal electric guitar solo. One of those rasty nasty mathematical guitar solos at full decibel.

An electric solo you willingly suffer permanent hearing loss to, that your sacrifice might please the Gods of Rock.

Look at them. They’re like a cadre of super villains!

The dog’s gaze accuses. Why am I living a life in which I am not attempting to ship these things? What are we all doing? Grumpy Dog asks us.

patriot

Chicken Song
Things you sing / when no one’s listening
Dear Readers,
INT. APARTMENT KITCHEN – NIGHT
It’s a hot night in May. ERICA in the middle of cooking dinner. Most of the cabinets are open, several pots are going on the stove, and every inch of counter is in use. Erica focused. This is her Zen.
JASON enters.
JASON
I’m going to go get fizzy water at the bodega.
ERICA
Ok. Dinner will be ready by then.

Jason exits.

Erica deep in thought, washes a sinkload of dishes used earlier in food prep. HUMMING a little. Then, softly,

ERICA
(singing)
O-oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light
The acoustics in the kitchen are fantastic. Alone at home, she lets loose, adding flourishes and melismas.
ERICA
And the rockets red glare! The bombs bursting in air!
SPORTS ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Bob, she nailed it!
Her tempo slows for the final verse. Dramatic. All heart.
ERICA
O’er the la-nd of the free … eee!
SPORTS ANNOUNCER
(over the CHEERING CROWD)
Whoa, baby! Have you ever heard anything like this?!
ERICA
And the home, of the, braaaaaaaaaaave!

The crowd GOES WILD.

An amused Jason enters.

JASON
That was the most patriotic cooking I’ve ever heard!
ERICA
I uh. Thought you were out.
JASON
Do you do that often?
Beat.
ERICA
No.